Zazou Marketing

Tell me the truth: Are you more likely to buy a camping chair because it is made of polyester/nylon mesh or because the fabric dries quickly and won’t puddle water when left out in the rain? If you chose the latter, that’s because you are like everybody else in the world — you like to know how a product will benefit you.

Luckily for REI, I got this example from their website, where they did it right: Their description focused on the benefits of the chair (that the material dries quickly), instead of just listing the features of the chair (that the material is polyester/nylon mesh).

REI successfully touts this chair's benefits, not features, on its website

But just because REI succeeds in giving benefits over features, doesn’t mean that all the big companies do so in their marketing materials. In fact, the New York Times just ran a blog posting about how Ford forgot this very important aspect of marketing and copywriting.

The posting is about the company’s new van that gets 22 to 25 miles per gallon, and it’s being marketed as a small-business delivery van. Here’s a portion of the blog:

“When I looked over the marketing sheet for the trucks before they got here, I couldn’t help but notice that Ford’s marketing people don’t really know how to talk to their customers — they don’t speak “entrepreneur.” It was a classic case of selling the features instead of the benefits….

For instance, they say, “The power train was upgraded to include a proven Duratec 2.0 liter dual overhead cam (DOHC) I-4 engine …” What does that mean? But then I drove the truck and noticed the pick up. Me understand. Me go fast. Me want. How many people even know what a power train is? Or a dual overhead cam? Oh, excuse me, a DOHC.”

The posting goes on to cover point by point how the brochure fails to sell this van to its customer.

Luckily for Ford, the writer actually saw the van in person and didn’t have to rely on the marketing materials to discover that it’s a perfect fit for his needs (and then went on to write about that in the New York Times).

But how many of their potential customers are going to have that same opportunity? And how many of their potential customers will have the chance to tell so many people about the vehicle’s benefits?

According to the NY Times, Ford's brochure for this new van fails to tell its potential customer how he or she will benefit from buying this vehicle.

So take this as just another reminder that if you offer a product or service, you need to find out how it benefits your customer — and then tell your customer all about that in your marketing materials.

Some habits are hard to break, and it’s likely that these three will be among them for you. However, in order to make sure that your brochure, website, advertisements and other marketing materials are error-free, keep these rules in mind:

• Do NOT use the ampersand (&) to replace the word “and.” The ampersand should only be used when it’s in a formal name of a company. That means that yes, you do need to take it out of your headline (one of the worst offenders), and you need to take it out of your copy! I know that the rather fun character is cooler and easier to type than three more boring characters are, but that doesn’t change the rule.
• Speaking of formal names, do not use a comma before Inc. or Ltd. And before you publish a company’s name, make sure you are writing it correctly. There are plenty of well-known organizations that we think we know the name of, but we have it slightly wrong. For instance, did you know that it is the Smithsonian Institution, not the Smithsonian Institute?
• When you want to say “also” use “too,” not “to.” I know that you are saying, “Yeah, yeah, yeah. I learned that in grammar school.” But if you pay attention, you’ll be shocked to see how frequently people mess this rule up.

Despite the title of this post, I am not going to cover all rules for commas here. Instead, I am going to review the rule about essential phrases and nonessential phrases. That’s because this is a rule I use all the time and, for some reason, I have to look it up every time.

In fact, I had to look it up again this morning when I was working on a client’s marketing one-sheet. For the marketing collateral, I needed to include the name of person and a descriptor before her name. The marketing material also had to include the name of a title of a show. In each case I had to decide when and if a comma was necessary.

So, which of the following is correct?:

The creator of Pole Superstar, Diane Passage, will be a judge.

The creator of Pole Superstar Diane Passage will be a judge.

Similarly, which of the following is correct?:

Her varied accomplishments include producing the off-Broadway play, “Artfuckers.”

Her varied accomplishments include producing the off-Broadway play “Artfuckers.”

Once again, I headed to my handy APA Style Book and looked it up. In short, it says that an essential phrase, one that is “critical to the reader’s understanding of what the author had in mind,” is not set off with commas. And a nonessential phrase, which “provides more information about something,” is set off by commas.

OK. Makes sense. But what about the above examples?

In the first one, her name is a nonessential clause (and needs commas) because only one person is the creator of Pole Superstar, so including her name is additional information. Even without her name, no one else could have been meant.

In the second one, “Artfuckers” is an essential clause (and does not need commas) because many plays are off-Broadway plays, and without the name the reader does not know which play is being referred to.

So, the final verdict is:

The creator of Pole Superstar, Diane Passage, will be a judge. Her varied accomplishments include producing the off-Broadway play “Artfuckers.”

By the way, if you want to read about a similar dilemma — Deciding Whether to Capitalize “How” in a Title — see my past post.

A few days ago I was working on a brochure about a new product launch. In it I needed to explain that matcha green tea has more antioxidants in it than any other tea. To do so I wrote, “Matcha has 10 times the antioxidants, when compared to traditional green and black teas.”

Then I thought… “Is that right?”

As I have done in the past, I headed over to my “APA Style Book” and looked it up. Here’s what it has to say:

compared to, compared with

Used compared to when the intent is to assert, without the need for elaboration, that two or more items are similar: She compared her work for women’s rights to Susan B. Anthony’s campaign for women’s suffrage.

Use compared with when juxtaposing two or more items to illustrate similarities and/or differences: His time was 2:11:10, compared with 2:14 for his closest competitor.

So, according to the “APA Style Book,” no, I was not right. It would be: “Matcha has 10 times the antioxidants, when compared with traditional green and black teas.”

I fear sounding like a broken record, but that’s not going to stop me from saying it again: Make me care.

I know that I just wrote about this, but I was inspired to revisit the topic when I read Amanda Ameer’s Life’s a Pitch blog posting today. This week she is asking the same eleven questions of different New York City publicists. Today, she posted the answers of Steven Swartz, who is the founder of Dotdotdotmusic, which provides PR and consulting services to the new music field.

Here is an excerpt from the post:

What is the purpose of a press release? And what, in your opinion, is the most important aspect of a press release?  How does that element accomplish the purpose?

I think any publicist would agree that it’s not enough to convey the essential information — you have to answer the reader’s unspoken question, “Why should I care?”  Ideally, all of the elements of the release work together to provide that answer, but the heavy lifting is accomplished by the narrative you create in the release, and the context you provide to support and enrich that narrative.

So there you have it. Another voice who reminds us that whether you are writing a press release, a brochure, a website or any other marketing material — make sure it answers the question, “Why should I care?”

Recently I co-wrote a grant: I was hired by an environmental non-profit to write their part of a grant request, while another writer was working on another non-profit’s part of the grant. When I got the other writer’s part of the grant to review, one of the first things I noticed was how different our headlines and titles were. We didn’t have competing tones or topics. The difference was a style issue: We capitalized different words in the titles.

Now, you may say, who cares? But in this case it mattered a lot. Glaring inconsistencies simply make you look unprofessional–which may affect whether you get the grant. Instead of just accepting her way or my way, we decided to go to an official source for guidance, the “APA Style Book.”

According to the guide, in general, “capitalize an article or a word of fewer than four letters if it is the first or last word in a title.” Also, pronouns of any length are capitalized. Otherwise, a word with fewer than four letters is not capitalized. As an example, here are a few of the titles that we settled on:

• How it Will go Beyond “Compliance and Mitigation” and how it Will Benefit the Bay
• Description of the Specific Activities That the Proposed Grant Will Fund, Including the Timeline
• Description of any Partnerships to Complete the Project

Coming up with marketing copy seems like it should be easy. After all, you’re writing about something you know well – your own business. In reality, we often know our own business too well, so we stumble around looking for the right words to describe it. Even worse, we end up making mistakes that can cost us business.

So the next time you start writing your brochure, newsletter, sales letter or website copy, keep the following pitfalls in mind. Avoiding these can mean the difference between making a sale and sending potential clients running.

1.    Benefits, not features. You’ve heard this one before, but you probably need to hear it again. Don’t get so charmed by your “features” that you forget to talk about your benefits. Don’t just say that your widget is cool because of its bells-and-whistles. Instead, explain how those bells-and-whistles help your customer. So, when you list a feature, follow it with words like, “so now you can… ” (and spell out exactly what problems it’s going to solve).

2.    Not so impressive. The first sentence of your brochure or website should NOT be, “We’ve been in business since 1984” (or whatever year you started). Your potential clients simply don’t care. At least not yet. Hook them by telling them how you can help them. Once they’re hooked, you can impress them with your experience and how long you’ve been in business.

3.    You’re not the only one. Don’t bother including that you are passionate about what you do or that you love your job. Absolutely everyone makes this claim (like everyone claims to give superior customer service). And it simply isn’t a selling point. Stick to telling potential clients how you can help them.

4.    Avoid hype. Don’t use buzzwords like “spectacular,” “incredible,” “one-of-a-kind” and “breakthrough.” These simply alert people to the fact that you are selling something, and your reader stops paying attention. Instead, explain what makes your product or service spectacular. And don’t forget to include what your clients will get out of it.

5.    No one cares about you. I know it’s hard on your ego, but people really don’t care what you do or who you are. They do care how you can help them. Remember to keep the focus off of you and on what you can do for your customer. Instead of saying, “We offer professional guidance to small businesses,” say, “If you are a small business stuck in a rut, we can help you overcome barriers and get new clients.”

6.    You are not a professor. I’ve said this before, I know. Still, it’s important to remember to simplify your sentences! Once you’ve written a draft, go through your document sentence by sentence, and see where you can split sentences into two. Then go through and take out insiders lingo. And take out unnecessary or convoluted words (come to think of it, “convoluted” is a great example of a word to avoid!). Big words and long sentences simply won’t help you to be taken seriously. But easily-grasped words and short sentences will make your marketing materials accessible.

7.    It’s all about sales. Remember that the goal of your marketing materials is not to impress, be liked or even to present a professional package. It’s great if your materials do that too — but the goal is to make sales. So don’t lose sight of your goal. Think very carefully about what your copy is actually doing. Is it acting like your star salesperson? If not, scrap it and start over.

Zazou Marketing

Whether sending a sales letter, memo, newsletter or even an e-mail, a typo or poor grammar can damage your credibility. To avoid embarrassing mistakes, take your proofing to a higher level. Here are a few tips to keep in mind:

• If you’re providing a phone number or URL, dial the number or copy the URL into a web browser to make sure it’s right.
• Some words need to be capitalized, but with others it’s a style choice. It’s easy just to fall back into old habits, which may or may not be good ones. So, when you are writing, work at paying close attention to which words you are capitalizing and which words you are not. Then make sure you are consistent throughout your document. For instance, if you capitalized one person’s title, make sure you capitalize everyone’s titles. (Or don’t capitalize any of them!).
• This may seem like a no-brainer, but if you mention a brand name, spell it correctly. With the Internet at your fingertips, you have no excuse for not typing the name into your favorite search engine to check the spelling. You’ll be glad you did. It’s much easier than responding to a client or colleague who corrects you!

When you’re writing words like shake up, shape up or set up, do you ever wonder whether to use two words or combine them into one with a hyphen? Well, you’re not alone. Here’s a little rule to follow, use “shake up” when you need to use a verb and ”shake-up” as a noun or an adjective. Others that fit in a similar camp are:

Verb            Noun or Adjective
shape up        shape-up
speed up        speedup
set up            setup
sell out          sellout
stand in         stand-in
tie in              tie-in

Of course, the English language often makes no sense at all. For example, “second hand” is a noun, while “secondhand” is an adjective or adverb.

So, remember, next time you shape up your house, set up a garage sale and get rid of all of that secondhand clothing…

In this series, “Quick Tip”, we offer you linguistic rules of thumb. These explore grammar rules that will help you keep your business correspondence and marketing materials error-free. After all, you want your writing to reflect just how professional you are, don’t you?

So, here’s our first grammar tip for writing business correspondence and marketing materials:

The last time you wrote an e-mail asking a colleague to meet a deadline, you may have written, “Will you try and have that done on Monday?”

That’s fine for everyday relaxed conversation (and e-mails).

But for formal, precise prose, use the infinitive: try to (“Will you try to have that done on Monday?”).